You know every time I start to feel discouraged, or overwhelmed with life, or the dull ache of unfulfilled dreams, God reminds me that I have it really good after all. I have a dry, safe place to live-unlike the people down the street who just had their house burn down. I have a (relatively) healthy family-unlike many of my friends. I have a (hopefully)secure job, for now-unlike many friends and most of my town who have been laid off from jobs that were supposed to be more secure than mine. I have friends who love and pray for me.
I see so many people living out my dreams for my life, and either throwing it all away or hating every minute of it. I just think to myself "can't you see what a treasure you have in front of you?" and it hurts. I tend to fall into a depression of sorts when I'm overwhelmed with being a PK, or having a tough time at a job I never wanted, but God obviously wants me in, or when I hear from my friends who are living their dreams, and just want to share their joy. But every time that I fall into the trap, God shows me just how good I have it! He shows me that some of those friends that I envy have so many struggles themselves. The pain they feel is a million times worse than mine. He lets me see just how rewarding being a PK can be, by sending someone along with an encouraging word. He shows me once again just how perfectly this job I didn't want was an integral part of His plan for my life.
One day I'll have to write my life story for ya'll. I tend to shy away from it under the excuse that most of ya'll know it, but I've seen in reading some of your accounts just how much goes on behind the scenes that we looking on from the outside don't see or understand. Mostly though, I'm scared at what I'm going to have to face. I tend to internalize everything, but when I let it out, it really comes out.... :) So be patient with me.... it will come one day, I promise! In the meantime, pray for me, huh? And whenever you think your life isn't making the impact you would like it to, remember you've made a difference in the life of a Florida girl trapped in New Jersey. Ok, I know, I'm working on the trapped feeling, and striving to feel content where God has placed me during this season of my life! :)
For all of you who have posted your stories-Thanks so much. You'll never know how much God has used your story in my life.
1 comment:
Jess,
Waiting is hard, and it stinks. I've come to the realization that we all have those things in our lives, that we want so badly. There is always someone who has it worse than us, but to us our struggle is very hard. I know it doesn't help, and you can kick me later if you want to, but when your desire is fulfilled you will be happy, and even though you may wish it'd happened earlier you will thank God for the things he taught you along the way. Of course my plans for my own life were different, but my journey has made me who I am, and I don't think I'd change it. God has become so much more real, and powerful and loving to me in the times when I had to wait. I know that he will be to you also. I pray for you that God will help you through this waiting period, and bring you all the desires of your heart... and he's going to, it's just getting to that point that's the hard part. I love ya girl, and don't let anyone tell you that your life isn't good enough at this time right now. I struggled with that too. We're in the place God wants us to be, and that makes us perfect. Try to enjoy the life you have, cause it won't always be that way. (I know you'll be glad for it to change) but there will be things that you miss too. Love ya, and hope you have a great weekend.
-Me
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